Act One
Lane: only married once [...] in consequence of a misunderstanding
between myself and a young person. (Act. I; p.321.)
Algernon: [...] if the lower orders dont set a good example, what on earth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility. (p.322.)
Algernon: Divorces are made in heaven (p.323.)
Algernon: more than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldnt read (p.324.)
Algernon: the truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be completely tedious if it were, and modern literature a complete impossibility! (p.326.)
Algernon: The amount of women in London who flirt with their husbands is perfectly scandalous. It looks so bad [...] simply washing ones clean linen in public. (p.326.)
Lady Bracknell: I never saw a woman so altered; she looks quite twenty years younger [viz., since her poor husbands death] (p.327.)
Lady Bracknell: Health is the primary duty of life (p.328.)
Lady Bracknell: I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. (p.331.)
Lady Bracknell: Between the duties expected of one during ones lifetime and the duties exacted from one after ones death, land has ceased to be either a profit or a pleasure. (p.332.)
Jack: I have lost both my parents. Lady Bracknell: Both? [...]. That seems like carelessness. (p.322.)
Lady Bracknell: To be born, or at any rate bred, in a handbag [...] seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution (p.333.)
Algernon: Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who havent got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. Jack: Oh, that is nonsense! (p.334.)
Algernon: The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to some one else, if she is not. (p.334.)
Algernon: Its awfully hard work doing nothing. However, I dont mind hard work where there is no definite object of any kind. (p.335).
Act Two
Cecily: I know perfectly well that I look plain after my German
lesson (p.338.)
Miss Prism: I am not in favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people at a moments notice. (p.338.)
Prism: The manuscript was abandoned. I use the word in the sense of lost or mislaid. (p.339.)
Cecily (to Algernon): If you are not [wicked], then you have certainly been deceiving us all in a very inexcusable manner. I hope you have not been leading a double life [...] (p.340-41.)
Cecily: I know how important it is not the keep a business engagement, if one wants to retain any sense of the beauty of life (p.341.)
Cecily: The accounts I have received of Australia and the next world are not particularly encouraging (p.341.)
Algernon: would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon? (p.341.)
Algernon: My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my pleasures in the smallest degree (p.346.)
Algernon: If I am occasionally overdressed I make up for it by being immensely over-educated (p.346.)
Cecily: The absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity. But even a momentary separation from any one to whom one has just been introduced is almost unbearable. (p.347.)
Algernon: In fact, it is rather an aristocratic name. Half of the chaps who get into Bankruptcy Court are called Algernon. (p.349.)
Gwendolen: Outside the family circle, papa, I am glad to say, is entirely unknown. [...] The home seems to be the proper sphere for the man. And certainly once a man begins to neglect his domestic duties he becomes painfully effeminate, does he not? And I dont like that. It makes men so attractive. (p.351.)
Cecily: I do thing that whenever one has something unpleasant to say, one should always be quite candid. (p.351.)
Cecily: When I see a spade I call
it a spade.
Gwendolen: I am glad to say I have never seen a spade. (p.353.)
Gwendolen: My first impressions of people are invariably right (p.354.)
Algernon: [I]t is very painful for me to be forced to tell the truth. It is the first time in my life that I have ever been reduced to such a painful position, and I am really quite inexperienced in doing anything of the kind. (p.355.)
Algernon: Well, one must be serious about something if one wants some amusement in life. (p.356.)
Algernon: When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me. (p.357.)
Jack: There is no evidence that I have ever been christened by anybody. I should think it extremely probable I never was, and so does Dr. Chasuble. (p.357).
Act Three
Gwen. & Cec.: Your Christian names are an insuperable barrier
(p.359.)
Cecily [on christening]: To please me you are ready to face this terrible ordeal? (p.359.)
Lady Bracknell [on death of Bunbury]: I am glad, however, that he made up his mind at the last to some definite course of action, and acted under proper medical advice. (p.361.)
Lady Bracknell: A thoroughly experienced French maid produces a really marvellous result in a very brief space of time. (p.362.)
Lady Bracknell: The two weak points of our age is its want of principle and its want of profile (p.362.)
Lady Bracknell: Engagements [...] give people the opportunity of finding out each others character before marriage, which I think is never advisable (p.363.)
Lady Bracknell: Indeed, no woman should every be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating [...] (p.364.)
Lady Bracknell: Lady Dumbleton [...] has been thirty-five ever since she arrived at the age of forty, which was many years ago now. (p.364.)
Lady Bracknell: Is this Miss Prism a female of repellent aspect, remotely connected with education? (p.365.)
Lady Bracknell: it [the perambulator] contained the manuscript of a three-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality. (p.366.)
Miss Prism: In a moment of mental abstraction, for which I can never forgive myself, I deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the baby in the hand-bag. (366.)
Gwendolen: it is a terrible thing for a man to find out suddenly that all his
life he has been speaking nothing but the truth. (p.369).