Jonathan Swift: Quotations (2)

File 2

[ top ]

Travels into Several Remote Nations of the World by Lemuel Gulliver (1726) - “A Voyage to the Lilliput”: ‘That which gave me most Uneasiness among these Maids of Honour, when my Nurse carried me to visit them, was to see them use me without any Manner of Ceremony, like a Creature who had no Sort of consequence. For, they would strip themselves to the Skin, and put on their Smock in my presence, while I was placed on their Toylet directly before their naked Bodies; which, I am sure, to me was very from from being a tempting Sight, or from giving me any Motions that those of Horror and Digust. Their Skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured when I say them near, with a Mole here and there as broad as a Trencher, and Hairs hanging from it thicker than Pack-threads; to say nothing further concering the rest of their Persons. Neither did they at all scruple while I was by, to discharge what they had drunk, to the Quantity of at least two Hogsheads, in a Vessel that held above three Tuns. The handsomest among these Maids of Honour, a [115] pleasant frolicsome Girl of sixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of her Nipples; with many other Tricks, wherein the Reader will excuse me for not being over particular. But, I was so much displeased, that I entreated Glumdalclitch to contrive some Excuse for not seeing that Lady any more.’ (Nonesuch Edn., 1934, pp.115-16; there follows an account of the execution of a criminal by decapitation.]

Travels [...] (1726) - “A Voyage to Lilliput”: ‘He [the King of Brobdingnag] was perfectly astonished with the historical Account I gave him of our Affairs during the last Century; protesting it was only a Heap of Conspiracies, Rebellions, Murders, Massacres, Revolutions, Banishments; the very worst Effects of Avarice, Faction, Hypocrisy, Perfidiousness, Cruelty, Rage, Madness, Hatred, Envy, Lust, Malice, and Ambition could produce. […] “I cannot but conclude”,’ says the King, “[that] the bulk of your natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the face of the earth.”’ (Ibid., pp.130-31; (Penguin Edn. 2010, p.123.)

Travels [...] (1726) - “A Voyage to the Laputa”: ‘If any Town should engage in Rebellion or Mutiny, fall into violent Factions, or refuse to pay the usual Tribute; the King hath two Methods of reducing them to Obedience. The first and the mildest Course is by keeping the Island hovering over such a Town, and the Lands about it; whereby he can deprive them of the Benefit of the Sun and the Rain, and consequently afflict the Inhabitants with Dearth and Diseases. And if the Crime deserve it, they are at the same time pelted from above with great Stones, against which they have no Defence, but by creeping into Cellars or Caves, while the Roofs of their Houses are beaten to Pieces. But if they still continue obstinate, or offer to raise Insurrections; he proceeds to the last Remedy, by letting the Island drop directly upon their Heads, which makes a universal Destruction both of Houses and Men. However, this is an Extremity to which the Prince is seldom driven, neither indeed is he willing to put it in Execution; nor dare his Ministers advise him to an Action, which as it would render them odious to the People, so it would be a great Damage to their own Estates that lie all below; for the Island is the King’s Demesn[e].’ (Ibid., p.167.)

[ top ]

Travels [...] (1726) - “A Voyage to the Houyhnhms”: ‘I never beheld in all my Travels so disagreeable an animal, or one against which I naturally conceived so strong an Antipathy.’ (Ibid., p.218.) ‘My Horror and Astonishment are not to be described when I observed, in this abominable Animal, a perfect human Figure; the Face of it indeed was flat and broad, the Nose depressed, the Lips large, and the Mouth wide: But these Differences are common to all savage Nations, where the Lineaments of the Countenance are distorted by the Natives suffering their Infants to lie grovelling on the Earth, or by carrying them on their Backs, nuzzling with their Face against the Mother’s Shoulders. […]’ (p.224.) ‘He replied that I must needs be mistaken, or that I said the thing which was not .’ (p.229.) ‘I therefore told my Master, that in the Country from whence I came, those of my Kind always covered their Bodies with the Hairs of certain Animals prepared by Art, as well for Decency, as to avoid Inclemencies of Air both hot and cold; of which, as to my own Person I would give him immediate Conviction, if he pleased to command me; only desiring his Excuse, if I did not expose those Parts that Nature taught us to conceal. He said, my Discourse was all very strange, but especially the last Part; for he could not understand why Nature should teach us to conceal what Nature had given. That neither himself nor his Family were ashamed of any Parts of their Bodies; but however I might do as I pleased. Whereupon, I first unbuttoned my Waste-coat […] / My master observed the whole Performance [Gulliver’s undressing] with great Signs of Curiosity and Admiration. He took up all my Cloaths in his Pastern, one Piece after another, and examined them all diligently; he then stroaked my Body very gently, and looked round me several Times; after which he said, it was plain I must be a perfect Yahoo; but that I differed very much from the rest of my Species, in the Whiteness, and Smoothness of my Skin, my want of Hair in several Parts of my Body, the Shape and Shortness of my Claws behind and before, and my Affectation of walking continually on my two hinder feet. He desired to see no more; and gave me leave to put my Cloaths again, for I was shuddering with Cold.’ (p.231.) ‘I expressed my Uneasiness at his giving me so often the Appellation of Yahoo, an odious Animal, for which I had so utter an Hatred and Contempt. I begged he would forbear applying the word to me, and take the same Order [231] in his Family, and among his Friends whom he suffered to see me. I requested likewise, that the Secret of my having a false Covering to my Body might be know to none but himself, at least as long as my present Cloathing should last.’ (pp.231-32.) ‘Differences of Opinions hath cost many Millions of lives: For Instance, whether Flesh be Bread, or Bread be Flesh: Whether the Juice of a certain Berry be Blood or Wine: Whether Whistling is a Vice or a Virtue: Whether it be better to kiss a Post, or throw it in the fire […].’ (p.240.)

Travels [...] (1726) - “A Voyage to the Houyhnhms” [cont.]: ‘It is a very justifiable Cause of War to invade a Country after the People have been wasted by Famine, destroyed by Pestilence, or embroiled by Factions among themselves. It is justiable to enter into War against our nearest Ally, when one of his Towns lies convenient to us, or a Territory of Land that would render our Dominions round and complete. If a Prince sends Forces into a Nation, where the People are poor and ignorant, he may lawfully put half of them to Death, and make Slaves of the rest, in order to civilise and reduce them from their barbarous Way of living. It is a very kingly, honourable, and frequent Practice, when one Prince desires the assistance of another to secure him against an Invasion, that the Assistant, when he hath driven out the Invader, should seize on the Dominions [240] himself, and kill, imprison or banish the Prince he came to relieve. Allyance of Blood or Marriage, is a sufficient Cause of War between Princes; and the nearer the Kindred is, the greater is their Disposition to quarrel: poor Nations are hungry, and rich Nations are proud; and Pride and Hunger will ever be at Variance. For these Reasons, the Trade of a Soldier is held the most honourable of all others: Because a Soldier is a Yahoo hired to kill in cold Blood as many of his own Species, who have never offended him, as possibly he can.’ (pp.240-41.) ‘I was going on to more Particulars, when my Master commanded me Silence. He said, whoever understood the Nature of Yahoos might easily believe it possible for so vile an Animal, to be capable of every Action I had named, if their Strength and Cunning equalled their Malice. But, as my Discourse had increased his Abhorrence of the whole Species, so he found it gave him a Disturbance in his Mind, to which he was wholly a Stranger before. He thought his Ears being used to such abominable Words, might by Degrees admit them with less Detestation. That, although he hated the, Yahoos of this Country, yet he no more blamed them for their odious Qualities, than he did a Gnnayh (a Bird of Prey) for its Cruelty, or a sharp Stone for cutting his Hoof. But, when a Creature pretending to Reason, could be capable of such Enormities, he dreaded lest the Corruption of that Faculty might be worse than Brutality itself. He seemed therefore confident, that instead of Reason, we were only possessed of some Quality fitted to increase our natural Vices; as the Reflection from a troubled Stream returns the Image of an ill-shapen Body, not only larger, but more distorted.’ (p.242.) ‘[…] For they have no Conception how a rational Creature can be compelled, but only advised, or exhorted; because no Person can disobey Reason, without giving up his Claim to be a rational Creature.’ (p.275.)

Travels [...] (1726) - Conclusion: ‘During the first Year I could not endure my Wife or children in my Presence, the very Smell of them was intolerable; much less could I suffer them to eat in the same Room.’ (p.285.) ‘But I had another Reason which made me less forward to enlarge His Majesty’s Dominions by my Discoveries: To say the Truth, I had conceived a few Scruples with relatioin to the distributive Justice of Princes upon those Occasions. […] They see an harmless People, are entertained with Kindness, they give a Country a new Name, they take formal Possession of it for the King, they set up a rotten Plank or a Stone for a Memorial, they murder two or three dozen of the Natives, bring away a Couple more by Force for a Sample, return home, and get their Pardon [as pirates]. Here commences a new [289] dominion acquired with a title by divine right. Ships are sent with the first opportunity; th enatives are driven out or destroyed, their princes tortured to discover their gold; a free licence given to all acts of inhumanity and lust, the earth reeking with the blood of its inhabitants: and this execrable crew of butchers employed in so pious an expedition, is a modern colony sent to convert and civilise an idolatrous and barbarous people. / But this description, I confess, doth by no means affect the British nation, who may be an Example to the whole World for their Wisdom, Care, and Justice in planting Colonies; the liberal Endowments for the Advancement of Religion and Learning; their choice of devout and able Pastors to propagate Christianity; their Caution in stocking the Provinces with People of sober Lives and Conversations from this Mother Kingdom; their Strict Regard to the Distribution of Justice, in supplying the Civil Administration through all their Colonies with Officers of the greatest Abilities, utter Strangers to Corruption: and to crown all, by sending the most vigilant and virtuous Governors, who have no other Views than the Happiness of the People over whom they preside, and the Honour of the King their Master. / But as those Countries which I have described do not appear to have any Desire of being conquered, or enslaved, murdered or driven out by the Colonies; nor abound either in Gold, Silver, Sugar or Tobacco; I did humby conceive they were by no Means proper Objects of our Zeal, our Valour, or our Interest.’ (Chap. XII; p.289-90.) ‘I began last week to permit my Wife to sit at Dinner with me, at the farthest End of a long Table; and to answer (but with the utmost Brevity) the few Questions I asked her. Yet the Smell of a Yahoo continuing very offensive, I always keep my Nose well stopt with Rue, Lavender, or Tobacco-Leaves. And although it be hard for a Man late in Life to remove old Habits; I am not altogether out of Hopes in some Time to suffer a Neighbour Yahoo in my Company, without the Apprehensions I am yet under of his Teeth or his Claws.’ (p.291.)

[ top ]

A Short View of the State of Ireland (1727): ‘[…] not provoked by any personal Interest, being not the Owner of one Spot of Ground in the whole Island; I shalll only enumerate by Rules generally known, and never contradicted, what are the true Causes of any Countries flourishing and growing rich; and then examine what Effects arise from those Causes in the Kingdom of Ireland.’ (Herbert Davis, ed., “Swift: Irish Tracts”, in Works, Vol. 12 [1728-1733], p.5; quoted in Paul Murray, PG MDip., essay, UUC 2002.)

‘As to the first Cause of a Nation’s Riches, being the Fertility of the Soil, as well as Temperature of Clymate, we have no Reason to complain; for although the Quantity of unprofitable Land in this Kingdom, reckoning Bog, and Rock, and barren Mountain, be double in Proportion to what it is in England, yet the Native Productions which both Kingdoms deal in, are very near on equality in point of Goodness, and might with the same Encouragement be as well manufactured. I except Mines and Minerals, in some of which however we are only defective in point of Skill and Industry.

In the Second, which is the Industry of the People, our misfortune is not altogether owing to our own Fault, but to a million of Discouragements. / The conveniency of Ports and Havens which Nature bestowed us so liberally is of no more use to us, than a beautiful Prospect to a Man shut up in a Dungeon. / As to Shipping of its own, this Kingdom is so utterly unprovided, that of all the excellent Timber cut down within these fifty or sixty Years, it can hardly be said that the Nation hath received the Benefit of one valuable House to dwell in, or one Ship to Trade with. / Ireland is the only Kingdom I ever heard or read of either in ancient or modern Story, which was denyed the Liberty of exporting their native Commodities and Manufactures wherever they pleased, except to Countries at War with their own Prince or State, yet this Privilege by the Superiority of mere Power is refused us in the most momentous parts of Commerce, besides an Act of Navigation to which we never consented, pinned down upon us, and rigorously executed, and a thousand other enexampled Circumstances as grievous as they are invidious to mention. [...]’ (Ibid., p.8; quoted in Murray, op. cit.)

‘IRELAND is the only Kingdom I have ever heard or read of, either in ancient or modern story, which was denied the Liberty of exporting their native Commodities and Manufactures, wherever they pleased; except to Countries at war with their own Prince or State: Yet this Privilege, by the Superiority of meer power, is refused us, in the most momentous Parts of Commerce; besides an Act of Navigation, to which we never consented, pinned down upon us, and rigorously executed; and a Thousand other unexampled Circumstances, as grievious, as they are invidious to mention.’

‘[The landlords] by unmeasurable screwing and racking their rents all over the kingdom, have already reduced the poor people to a worse condition than the peasants of France, or the vassals of Germany or Poland. Whoever travels this country and observes the face of nature, or the faces and habit and dwellings of the natives will hardly think himself in a Land where either Law, Religion, or common Humanity is professed.’ (q.p.; quoted in Jame Carty, ed., Ireland from the Flight of the Earls to Grattan’s Parliament, Dublin 1951, p.108; cited in Robert Kee, The Green Flag: A History of Irish Nationalism, London: Weidenfeld & Nicolson 1972, p.22.)

‘But my heart is too heavy to continue this Irony longer; for it is manifest, that whatever Stranger took such a Journey [through Ireland], would be apt to think himself travelling in Lapland, or Ysland rather than in a country so favoured by Nature as ours.’ (in Prose Works, XII, p.10.) ‘As to shipping its own, this kingdom is so utterly unprovided that of all the excellent timber cut down within these fifty or sixty years, it can hardly be said that the nation hath received the benefit of one valuable house to dwell in, or one ship to trade with.’ (Both the foregoing quoted in Frank O’Connor, The Backward Glance, 1967, p.119.) [Note date, recte 1278.] (For full-text copy, see Irish Literary Classics, infra.)

[ top ]

Holyhead Journal (1727), ‘Remove me from this land of slaves, / Where all are fools, and all are knaves; / Where every knave and fool is bought, / Yet kindly sells himself for nought; / Where Whig and Tory fiercely fight / Who’s in the wrong, who in the right; / And when their country lyse at stake / They ony fight for fighting’s sake, / While English sharpers take the pay, / And then stand by to see fair play.’ (“Ireland”, also in Journal.) Further, ‘I never was in haste before / To reach that slavish hateful shore.’ (Quoted in Stephen Gwynn, The Life and Friendships of Dean Swift, 1933; cited in Gavin Brown, UUC MA Dip., 2002.)

A Modest Proposal (1729): ‘For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies, and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the Kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good Protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country, than state at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.’ Quoted in Frank O’Connor, Book of Ireland, 1967, p.121; for full version see “Irish Classics”, infra).

[ top ]

Letter to Stella (8 June 1713): ‘The Lord Treasurer said he would not be satisfied, but that I must be the prebendary of Windsor. Thus he perplexes things […] I confess, as much as I love England, I am so angry at these treatments that, if I had my choice, I would rather have St. Patrick’s. […] Neither can I feel joy at passing my days in Ireland; and I confess I thought the Ministry would not let me go ... The Duke of Ormond is to send over an order, making me Dean of St Patrick’s [...; &c.] ‘I am condemned to life in Ireland, and all the Court and Ministry did for me was to let me choose my station in the country where I am banished.’ ‘I stayed but a fortnight in Dublin, very sick; and returned not one visit of a hundred that were made to me, but all to the Dean, and none to the Doctor. I am riding here for life, and think I am something better, and hate the thoughts of Dublin, and prefer a field-bed and an earthen floor before the great house there, which they say is mine. I design to spend the greatest part of the time I stay in Ireland here in the cabin where I am now writing, neither will I leave the Kingdom till I am sent for; and if they have no further service for me I will never see England again. At my first coming I thought I should have died with discontent, and was horribly melancholy while they were installing me: but it began to wear off and change to dullness […] I must go and take my bitter draught to cure my head, which is really spoilt by the bitter draughts the public have given me.’ (Journal to Stella; quoted in Sybil le Brocquy, Cadenus, 1962, q.p.; also in part in Joseph McMinn, Jonathan Swift: A Literary Life, Macmillan 1991, p.70.)

Letter to John Gay (q.d.): ‘Here I will define Ireland a region of good eating and drinking, of tolerable company, where a man from England may sojourn some years with pleasure, make a fortune, and then return home, with the spoils he has got by doing us all the mischief he can, and by that make a merit at court.’ (Harold William, ed., Correspondence, 1963-72, Vol. 3, p.359-60; quoted in Declan Kiberd, ‘Jonathan Swift: a Colonial Outsider’, in Irish Classics, London: Granta 2000, [Chap.], p.81.)

Letter to Bolingbroke (March 21, 1729), on living in Ireland: ‘I reckon no man is thoroughly miserable unless he be condemned to live in Ireland. ... do not let me die in a rage here like a poisoned rat in a hole.’

Letter to Alexander Pope, telling him that he would be buried at Holyhead since he ‘will not lie in a country of slaves’ (Letters, ed. Williams, Vol. 4, p.406.)

[ top ]

Letter to Lord Oxford (in valediction - Jan. 1714): ‘In your public capacity you have often angered me to the heart, but as a private man, never once. […] Will you give me leave to say how I would desire to stand in your memory: as one who was truly sensible of the honour you did him, though he was too proud to he vain upon it; as one who was neither assuming, officious, nor teasing, who never wilfully misrepresented persons or facts to you, nor consulted his passions when he gave a character; and lastly, as one whose indiscretions proceeded altogether from a weak head, and not an ill heart? I win add one thing more, which is the highest compliment I can make: that I was never afraid of offending you, nor am I now in any pain for the manner I write to you in. I have said enough; and, like one at your levee, having made my bow, I shrink back into the crowd.’ (Quoted in Carl Van Doren, intro., Portable Swift, 1948; Penguin Edn. 1977, p.23.) Note, Swift adopted the pseudonym Martin in the Scriblerus club because Oxford compared swift with swallow and thence with house martin.

Letter to Brandreth (30 June 1732) [on Ireland]: ‘The country: & its inhabitants: ‘[…] a bare face of nature, without houses or plantations; filthy cabins, miserable, tattered, half-starved creatures, scarce in human shape; one insolent ignorant oppressive squire to be found in twenty miles riding; a parish church to be found only in a summer’s day journey, in comparison of which, an English farmer’s barn is a cathedral; a bog of fifteen miles round; every meadow a slough, and every hill a mixture of rock, heath, and marsh; and every male and female, from the farmer, inclusive to the day-labourer, infallibly a thief, and consequently a beggar, which in this island are terms convertible […] there is not an acre of land in Ireland turned to half its advantage; yet it is better improved than the people, and all these evils are the effects of English tyranny, so your sons and grandchildren will find it to their sorrow’.

Letter to Charles Wogan (1732) [on native Irish gentry]: ‘Yet I cannot but highly esteem those gentlemen of Ireland, who with all the disadvantages of being exiles and strangers, have been able to distinguish themselves by their valour and conduct in so many parts of Europe, I think above all other nations, which ought to make the English ashamed of the reproaches they cast on the ignorance, the dullness, and the want of courage, in the Irish natives [...//] I do assert from several experiments I have made in travelling over both kingdoms, I have found much better natural taste for good sense, humour, raillery, than I ever observed among people of the like sort in England. But the millions of oppressions they lie under, the tyranny of their landlords, the ridiculous zeal of their priests, and the general misery of the whole nation, have been enough to damp the best spirits under the sun.’ (Rep. in The Field Day Anthology of Irish Writing, 1991; quoted thence in in P. J. Kavanagh, Voices in Ireland, 1994, p.8.)