XLII
ESTHER KEPT William within doors during the winter months. If his health did not improve it got no worse, and she had begun to hope that the breakage of the blood-vessel did not mean lung disease. But the harsh winds of spring did not suit him, and there was business with his lawyer to which he was obliged to attend. A determined set was going to be made against the renewal of his licence, and he was determined to defeat his opponents. Counsel was instructed, and a great deal of money was spent on the case. But the licence was nevertheless refused, and the north-east wind did not cease to rattle; it seemed resolved on William’s death, and with a sick husband on her hands, and all the money they had invested in the house irreparably lost, Esther began to make preparations for moving.
 William had proved a kind husband, and in the seven years she had spent in the “King’s Head” there had been some enjoyment of life. She couldn’t say that she had been unhappy. She had always disapproved of the betting. They had tried to do without it. There was a great deal in life which one couldn’t approve of. But Ketley had never been very right in his head, and Sarah’s misfortune had had very little to do with the “King’s Head.” They had all tried to keep her from that man; it was her own fault. There were worse places than the “King’s Head.” It wasn’t for her to abuse it. She had lived there seven years; she had seen her boy growing up — he was almost a young man now, and had had the best education. That much good the “King’s Head” had done. But perhaps it was no longer suited to William’s health. The betting, she was tired thinking about that; and that constant nipping, it was impossible for him to keep from it with every one asking him to drink with them. A look of fear and distress passed across her face, and she stopped for a moment ....
 She was rolling up a pair of curtains. She did not know how they were to live, that was the worst of it. If they only had back the money they had sunk in the house she would not so much mind. That was what was so hard to bear; all that money lost, just as if they had thrown it into the river. Seven years of hard work — for she had worked hard — and nothing to show for it. If she had been doing the grand lady all the time it would have been no worse. Horses had won and horses had lost — a great deal of trouble and fuss and nothing to show for it. That was what stuck in her throat. Nothing to show for it. She looked round the dismantled walls, and descended the vacant staircase. She would never serve another pint of beer in that bar. What a strong, big fellow he was when she first went to live with him! He was sadly changed. Would she ever see him strong and well again? She remembered he had told her that he was worth nearly £3000. She hadn’t brought him luck. He wasn’t worth anything like that to-day.
 “How much have we in the bank, dear?”
 “A bit over six hundred pounds. I was reckoning of it up yesterday. But what do you want to know for? To remind me that I’ve been losing. Well, I have been losing. I hope you’re satisfied.”
 “I wasn’t thinking of such a thing.”
 “Yes, you was, there’s no use saying you wasn’t. It ain’t my fault if the ’orses don’t win; I do the best I can.”
 She did not answer him. Then he said, “It’s my ’ealth that makes me irritable, dear; you aren’t angry, are you?”
 “No, dear, I know you don’t mean it, and I don’t pay no attention to it.” She spoke so gently that he looked at her surprised, for he remembered her quick temper, and he said, “You’re the best wife a man ever had.”
 “No, I’m not, Bill, but I tries to do my best.”
 The spring was the harshest ever known, and his cough grew worse and the blood-spitting returned. Esther grew seriously alarmed. Their doctor spoke of Brompton Hospital, and she insisted on his going there to be examined. William would not have her come with him; and she did not press the point, fearing to irritate him, but sat at home waiting anxiously for him to return, hoping against hope, for their doctor had told her that he feared very long trouble. And she could tell from his face and manner that he had bad news for her. All her strength left her, but she conquered her weakness and said —
 “Now tell me what they said. I’ve a right to know; I want to know.”
 “They said it was consumption.”
 “Oh, did they say that?”
 “Yes, but they don’t mean that I’m going to die. They said they hoped they could patch me up; people often live for years with only half a lung, and it is only the left one that’s gone.”
 He coughed slightly and wiped the blood from his lips. Esther was quite overcome.
 “Now, don’t look like that,” he said, “or I shall fancy I’m going to die to-morrow.”
 “They said they thought that they could patch you up?”
 “Yes; they said I might go on a long while yet, but that I would never be the man I was.”
 This was so obvious she could not check a look of pity.
 “If you’re going to look at me like that I’d sooner go into the hospital at once. It ain’t the cheerfulest of places, but it will be better than here.”
 “I’m sorry it was consumption. But if they said they could patch you up, it will be all right. It was a great deal for them to say.”
 Her duty was to overcome her grief and speak as if the doctors had told him that there was nothing the matter that a little careful nursing would fail to put right. William had faith in the warm weather, and she resolved to put her trust in it. It was hard to see him wasting away before her eyes and keep cheerful looks in her face and an accent of cheerfulness in heir voice. The sunshine which had come at last seemed to suck up all the life that was in him; he grew paler, and withered like a plant. Then ill-luck seemed to have joined in the hunt; he could not “touch” a winner, and their fortune drained away with his life. Favourites and outsiders, it mattered not; whatever he backed lost; and Esther dreaded the cry “Win-ner, all the win-ner!” He sat on the little balcony in the sunny evenings looking down the back street for the boy to appear with the “special.” Then she had to go and fetch the paper. On the rare occasions when he won, the spectacle was even more painful. He brightened up, his thin arm and hand moved nervously, and he began to make projects and indulge in hopes which she knew were vain.
 She insisted, however, on his taking regularly the medicine they gave him at the hospital, and this was difficult to do. For his irritability increased in measure as he perceived the medicine was doing him no good; he found fault with the doctors, railed against them unjustly, and all the while the little; cough continued, and the blood-spitting returned at the end of cruel intervals, when he had begun to hope that at least that trouble was done with. One morning he told his wife that he was going to ask the doctors to examine him again. They had spoken of patching up; but he wanted to know whether he was going to live or die. There was a certain relief in hearing him speak so plainly; she had had enough of the torture of hope, and would like to know the worst. He liked better to go to the hospital alone, but she felt that she could not sit at home counting the minutes for him to return, and begged to be allowed to go with him. To her surprise, he offered no opposition. She had expected that her request would bring about quite a little scene, but he had taken it so much as a matter of course that she should accompany him that she was doubly glad that she had proposed to go with him; if she hadn’t he might have accused her of neglecting him. She put on her hat; the day was too hot for a jacket; it was the beginning of August; the town was deserted, and the streets looked as if they were about to evaporate or lie down exhausted, and the poor, dry, dusty air that remained after the season was too poor even for Esther’s healthy lungs; it made William cough, and she hoped the doctors would order him to the seaside.
 From the top of their omnibus they could see right across the plateau of the Green Park, dry and colourless like a desert; as they descended the hill they noticed that autumn was already busy in the foliage; lower down the dells were full of fallen leaves. At Hyde Park Corner the blown dust whirled about the hill-top; all along St. George’s Place glimpses of the empty Park appeared through the railings. The wide pavements, the Brompton Road, and a semi-detached public-house at the cross-roads, announced suburban London to the Londoner.
 “You see,” said William, “where them trees are, where the road turns off to the left. That ’ouse is the ‘Bell and Horns.’ That’s the sort of house I should like to see you in.”
 “It’s a pity we didn’t buy it when we had the money.”
 “Buy it! That ’ouse is worth ten thousand pounds if it’s worth a penny.”
 “I was once in a situation not far from here. I like the Fulham Road; it’s like a long village street, ain’t it?”
 Her first service was with Mrs. Dunbar, in Sydney Street, and she remembered the square church tower at the Chelsea end; a little further on there was the Vestry Hall in the King’s Road, and then Oakley Street on the left, leading down to Battersea. Mrs. Dunbar used to go to some gardens at the end of the King’s Road. Cremorne Gardens, that was the name; there used to be fire-works there, and she often spent the evening at the back window watching the rockets go up. That was just before Lady Elwin had got her the situation as kitchen-maid at Woodview. She remembered the very shops — there was Palmer’s the butterman, and there was Hyde’s the grocer’s. Everything was just as she had left it. How many years ago? Fifteen or sixteen. So enwrapped was she in memories that William had to touch her. “Here we are,” he said; “don’t you remember the place?”
 She remembered very well that great red brick building, a centrepiece with two wings, surrounded by high iron railings lined with gloomy shrubs. The long straight walks, the dismal trees arow, where pale-faced men walked or rested feebly, had impressed themselves on her young mind — thin, patient men, pacing their sepulchre. She had wondered who they were, if they would get well; and then, quick with sensation of lingering death, she had hurried away on her errands. The low wooden yellow-painted gates were unchanged. She had never before seen them open, and it was new to her to see the gardens filled with bright sunshine and numerous visitors. There were flowers in the beds, and the trees were beautiful in their leafage. A little yellow was creeping through, and from time to time a leaf fell exhausted from the branches.
 William, who was already familiar with the custom of the place, nodded to the porter and was let pass without question. He did not turn to the principal entrance in the middle of the building, but went towards a side entrance. The house physician was standing near it talking with a young man whom Esther recognised as Mr. Alden. The thought that he, too, might be dying of consumption crossed her mind, but his appearance and his healthy, hearty laugh reassured her. A stout, common girl, healthy too, came out of the building with a child, a little thing of twelve or thirteen, with death in her face. Mr. Alden stopped her, and in his cheerful, kind manner hoped the little one was better. She answered that she was. The doctor bade him good-bye and beckoned William and Esther to follow him. Esther would have liked to have spoken to Mr. Alden. But he did not see her, and she followed her husband, who was talking with the doctor, through the doorway into a long passage. At the end of the passage there were a number of girls in print dresses. The gaiety of the dresses led Esther to think that they must be visitors. But the little cough warned her that death was amongst them. As she went past she caught sight of a wasted form in a bath-chair. The thin hands were laid on the knees, on a little handkerchief, and there were spots on the whiteness deeper than the colour of the dress. They passed down another passage, meeting a sister on their way; pretty and discreet she was in her black dress and veil, and she raised her eyes, glancing affectionately at the young doctor. No doubt they loved each other. The eternal love-story among so much death!
 Esther wished to be present at the examination, but a sudden whim made William say that he would prefer to be alone with the doctor, and she returned to the gardens. Mr. Alden had not yet gone. He stood with his back turned to her. The little girl she had seen him speaking to was sitting on a bench under the trees; she held in her hands a skein of yellow worsted which her companion was winding into a ball. Two other young women were with them and all four were smiling and whispering and looking towards Mr. Alden. They evidently sought to attract his attention, and wished him to come and speak to them. Just the natural desire of women to please, and moved by the pathos of this poor coquetting, he went to them, and Esther could see that they all wanted to talk to him. She too would have liked to have spoken to him; he was an old friend. And she walked up the grounds, intending to pass by him as she walked back. His back was still turned to her, and they were all so interested that they gave no heed to anything else. One of the young women had an exceedingly pretty face. A small oval, perfectly snow-white, and large blue eyes shaded with long dark lashes; a little aquiline nose; and Esther heard her say, “I should be well enough if it wasn’t for the cough. It isn’t no better since —” The cough interrupted the end of the sentence, and affecting to misunderstand her, Mr. Alden said —
 “No better than it was a week ago.”
 “A week ago!” said the poor girl. “It is no better since Christmas.”
 There was surprise in her voice, and the pity of it took Mr. Alden in the throat, and it was with difficulty that he answered that “he hoped that the present fine weather would enable her to get well. Such weather as this,” he said, “is as good as going abroad.”
 This assertion was disputed. One of the women had been to Australia for her health, and the story of travel was interspersed by the little coughs, terrible in their apparent insignificance. But it was Mr. Alden that the others wished to hear speak; they knew all about their companion’s trip to Australia, and in their impatience their eyes went towards Esther. So Mr. Alden became aware of a new presence, and he turned.
 “What! is it you, Esther?”
 “Yes, sir.”
 “But there doesn’t seem much the matter with you. You’re all right.”
 “Yes, I’m all right, sir; it’s my husband.”
 They walked a few yards up the path.
 “Your husband! I’m very sorry.”
 “He’s been an out-door patient for some time; he’s being examined by the doctors now.”
 “Whom did you marry, Esther?”
 “William Latch, a betting man, sir.”
 “You married a betting man, Esther? How curiously things do work out! I remember you were engaged to a pious young man, the stationer’s foreman. That was when you were with Miss Rice; you know, I suppose, that she’s dead.”
 “No, sir, I didn’t know it. I’ve had so much trouble lately that I’ve not been to see her for nearly two years. When did she die, sir?”
 “About two months ago. So you married a betting man! Miss Rice did say something about it, but I don’t think I understood that he was a betting man; I thought he was a publican.”
 “So he was, sir. We lost our licence through the betting.”
 “You say he’s being examined by the doctor. Is it a bad case?”
 “I’m afraid it is, sir.”
 They walked on in silence until they reached the gate.
 “To me this place is infinitely pathetic. That little cough never silent for long. Did you hear that poor girl say with surprise that her cough is no better than it was last Christmas?”
 “Yes, sir. Poor girl, I don’t think she’s long for this world.”
 “But tell me about your husband, Esther,” he said, and his face filled with an expression of true sympathy. “I’m a subscriber, and if your husband would like to become an in-door patient, I hope you’ll let me know.”
 “Thank you, sir; you was always the kindest, but there’s no reason why I should trouble you. Some friends of ours have already recommended him, and it only rests with himself to remain out or go in.”
 He pulled out his watch and said, “I am sorry to have met you in such sad circumstances, but I’m glad to have seen you. It must be seven years or more since you left Miss Rice. You haven’t changed much; you keep your good looks.”
 “Oh, sir.”
 He laughed at her embarrassment and walked across the road hailing a hansom, just as he used to in old times when he came to see Miss Rice. The memory of those days came back upon her. It was strange to meet him again after so many years. She felt she had seen him now for the last time. But it was foolish and wicked, too, to think of such things; her husband dying .... But she couldn’t help it; he reminded her of so much of what was past and gone. A moment after she dashed these personal tears aside and walked open-hearted to meet William. What had the doctor said? She must know the truth. If she was to lose him she would lose everything. No, not everything; her boy would still remain to her, and she felt that, after all, her boy was what was most real to her in life. These thoughts had passed through her mind before William had had time to answer her question.
 “He said the left lung was gone, that I’d never be able to stand another winter in England. He said I must go to Egypt.”
 “Egypt,” she repeated. “Is that very far from here?”
 “What matter how far it is! If I can’t live in England I must go where I can live.”
 “Don’t be cross, dear. I know it’s your health that makes you that irritable, but it’s hard to bear at times.”
 “You won’t care to go to Egypt with me.”
 “How can you think that, Bill? Have I ever refused you anything?”
 “Quite right, old girl, I’m sorry. I know you’d do anything for me. I’ve always said so, haven’t I? It’s this cough that makes me sharp tempered and fretful. I shall be different when I get to Egypt.”
 “When do we start?”
 “If we get away by the end of October it will be all right. It will cost a lot of money; the journey is expensive, and we shall have to stop there six months. I couldn’t think of coming home before the end of April.”
 Esther did not answer. They walked some yards in silence. Then he said —
 “I’ve been very unlucky lately; there isn’t much over a hundred pounds in the bank.”
 “How much shall we want?”
 “Three or four hundred pounds at least. We won’t take the boy with us, we couldn’t afford that; but I should like to pay a couple of quarters in advance.”
 “That won’t be much.”
 “Not if I have any luck. The luck must turn, and I have some splendid information about the Great Ebor and the Yorkshire Stakes. Stack knows of a horse or two that’s being kept for Sandown. Unfortunately there is not much doing in August. I must try to make up the money: it’s a matter of life and death.”
 It was for his very life that her husband was now gambling on the race-course, and a sensation of very great wickedness came up in her mind, but she stifled it instantly. William had noticed the look of fear that appeared in her eyes, and he said —
 “It’s my last chance. I can’t get the money any other way; and I don’t want to die yet awhile. I haven’t been as good to you as I’d like, and I want to do something for the boy, you know.”
 He had been told not to remain out after sundown, but he was resolved to leave no stone unturned in his search for information, and often he returned home as late as nine and ten o’clock at night coughing — Esther could hear him all up the street. He came in ready to drop with fatigue, his pockets filled with sporting papers, and these he studied, spreading them on the table under the lamp, while Esther sat striving to do some needlework. It often dropped out of her hands, and her eyes filled with tears. But she took care that he should not see these tears; she did not wish to distress him unnecessarily. Poor chap! he had enough to put up with as it was. Sometimes he read out the horses’ names and asked her which she thought would win, which seemed to her a likely name. But she begged of him not to ask her; they had many quarrels on this subject, but in the end he understood that it was not fair to ask her. Sometimes Stack and Journeyman came in, and they argued about weights and distances, until midnight; old John came to see them, and every day he had heard some new tip. It often rose to Esther’s lips to tell William to back his fancy and have done with it; she could see that these discussions only fatigued him, that he was no nearer to the truth now than he was a fortnight ago. Meanwhile the horse he had thought of backing had gone up in the betting. But he said that he must be very careful. They had only a hundred pounds left; he must be careful not to risk this money foolishly — it was his very life-blood. If he were to lose all this money, he wouldn’t only sign his own death warrant, but also hers. He might linger on a long while — there was no knowing, but he would never be able to do any work, that was certain (unless he went out to Egypt); the doctor had said so, and then it would be she who would have to support him. And if God were merciful enough to take him off at once he would leave her in a worse plight than he had found her in, and the boy growing up! Oh, it was terrible! He buried his face in his hands, and seemed quite overcome. Then the cough would take him, and for a few minutes he could only think of himself. Esther gave him a little milk to drink, and he said —
 “There’s a hundred pounds left, Esther. It isn’t much, but it’s something. I don’t believe that there’s much use in my going to Egypt. I shall never get well. It is better that I should pitch myself into the river. That would be the least selfish way out of it.”
 “William, I will not have you talk in that way,” Esther said, laying down her work and going over to him. “If you was to do such a thing I should never forgive you. I could never think the same of you.”
 “All right, old girl, don’t be frightened. I’ve been thinking too much about them horses, and am a bit depressed. I daresay it will come out all right. I think that Mahomet is sure to win the Great Ebor, don’t you?”
 “I don’t think there’s no better judge than yourself. They all say if he don’t fall lame that he’s bound to win.”
 “Then Mahomet shall carry my money. I’ll back him to-morrow.”
 Now that he had made up his mind what horse to back his spirits revived. He was able to dismiss the subject from his mind, and they talked of other things, of their son, and they laid projects for his welfare. But on the day of the race, from early morning, William could barely contain himself. Usually he took his winnings and losings very quietly. When he had been especially unlucky he swore a bit, but Esther had never seen any great excitement before a race was run. The issues of this race were extraordinary, and it was heart-breaking to see him suffer; he could not remain still a moment. A prey to all the terrors of hope, exhausted with anticipation, he rested himself against the sideboard and wiped drops of sweat from his forehead. A broiling sunlight infested their window-panes, the room grew oven-like, and he was obliged at last to go into the back parlour and lie down. He lay there in his shirt sleeves quite exhausted, hardly able to breathe; the arm once so strong and healthy was shrunken to a little nothing. He seemed quite bloodless, and looking at him Esther could hardly hope that any climate would restore him to health. He just asked her what the time was, and said, “The race is being run now.” A few minutes after he said, “I think Mahomet has won. I fancied I saw him get first past the post.” He spoke as if he were sure, and said nothing about the evening paper. If he were disappointed, Esther felt that it would kill him, and she knelt down by the bedside and prayed that God would allow the horse to win. It meant her husband’s life, that was all she knew. Oh, that the horse might win! Presently he said, “There’s no use praying, I feel sure it is all right. Go into the next room, stand on the balcony so that you may see the boy coming along.”
 A pale yellow sky rose behind the brick neighbourhood, and with agonised soul the woman viewed its plausive serenity. There seemed to be hope in its quietness. At that moment the cry came up, “Win-ner, Win-ner.” It came from the north, from the east, and now from the west. Three boys were shouting forth the news simultaneously. Ah, if it should prove bad news! But somehow she too felt that the news was good. She ran to meet the boy. She had a half-penny ready in her hand; he fumbled, striving to detach a single paper from the quire under his arm. Seeing her impatience, he said, “Mahomet’s won.” Then the pavement seemed to slide beneath her feet, and the setting sun she could hardly see, so full was her heart, so burdened with the happiness that she was bringing to the poor sick fellow who lay in his shirt sleeves on the bed in the back room. “It’s all right,” she said. “I thought so too; it seemed like it.” His face flushed, life seemed to come back. He sat up and took the paper from her. “There,” he said, “I’ve got my place-money, too. I hope Stack and Journeyman come in tonight. I’d like to have a chat about this. Come, give me a kiss, dear. I’m not going to die, after all. It isn’t a pleasant thing to think that you must die, that there’s no hope for you, that you must go under ground.”
 The next thing to do was to pick the winner of the Yorkshire Handicap. In this he was not successful, but he backed several winners at Sandown Park, and at the close of the week had made nearly enough to take him to Egypt.
 The Doncaster week, however, proved disastrous. He lost most of his winnings, and had to look forward to retrieving his fortunes at Newmarket. “The worst of it is, if I don’t make up the money by October, it will be no use. They say the November fogs will polish me off.”
 Between Doncaster and Newmarket he lost a bet, and this bet carried him back into despondency. He felt it was no use struggling against fate. Better remain in London and be taken away at the end of November or December; he couldn’t last much longer than that. This would allow him to leave Esther at least fifty pounds to go on with. The boy would soon be able to earn money. It would be better so. No use wasting all this money for the sake of his health, which wasn’t worth two-pence-three-farthings. It was like throwing sovereigns after farthings. He didn’t want to do any betting; he was as hollow as a shell inside, he could feel it. Egypt could do nothing for him, and as he had to go, better sooner than later. Esther argued with him. What should she have to live for if he was taken from her. The doctors had said that Egypt might set him right. She didn’t know much about such things, but she had always heard that it was extraordinary how people got cured out there.
 “That’s true,” he said. “I’ve heard that people who couldn’t live a week in England, who haven’t the length of your finger of lung left, can go on all right out there. I might get something to do out there, and the boy might come out after us.”
 “That’s the way I like to hear you talk. Who knows, at Newmarket we might have luck! Just one big bet, a winner at fifty to one, that’s all we want.”
 “That’s just what has been passing in my mind. I’ve got particular information about the Cesarewitch and Cambridgeshire. I could get the price you speak of — fifty to one against the two, Matchbox and Chasuble — the double event, you know. I’m inclined to go it. It’s my last chance.”

XLIII
WHEN Matchbox galloped home the winner of the Cesarewitch by five lengths, William was lying in his bed, seemingly at death’s door. He had remained out late one evening, had caught cold, and his mouth was constantly filled with blood. He was much worse, and could hardly take notice of the good news. When he revived a little he said, “It has come too late.” But when Chasuble was backed to win thousands at ten to one, and Journeyman and Stack assured him that the stable was quite confident of being able to pull it off, his spirits revived. He spoke of hedging. “If,” he said to Esther, “I was to get out at eight or nine to one I should be able to leave you something, you know, in case of accidents.” But he would not entrust laying off his bet to either Stack of Journeyman; he spoke of a cab and seeing to it himself. If he did this the doctor assured him that it would not much matter whether Chasuble won or lost. “The best thing he could do,” the doctor said, “would be to become an in-door patient at once. In the hospital he would be in an equable temperature, and he would receive an attention which he could not get at home.”
 William did not like going into the hospital; it would be a bad omen. If he did, he felt sure that Chasuble would not win.
 “What has going or not going to the hospital to do with Chasuble’s chance of winning the Cambridgeshire?” said the doctor. “This window is loose in its sash, a draught comes under the door, and if you close out the draughts the atmosphere of the room becomes stuffy. You’re thinking of going abroad; a fortnight’s nice rest is just what you want to set you up for your journey.”
 So he allowed himself to be persuaded; he was taken to the hospital, and Esther remained at home waiting for the fateful afternoon. Now that the dying man was taken from her she had no work to distract her thought. The unanswerable question — would Chasuble win? — was always before her. She saw the slender greyhound creatures as she had seen them at Epsom, through a sea of heads and hats, and she asked herself if Chasuble was the brown horse that had galloped in first, or the chestnut that had trotted in last. She often thought she was going mad — her head seemed like it — a sensation of splitting like a piece of calico .... She went to see her boy. Jack was a great tall fellow of fifteen, and had happily lost none of his affection for his mother, and great sweetness rose up within her. She looked at his long, straight, yellow-stockinged legs; she settled the collar of his cloak, and slipped her fingers into his leathern belt as they walked side by side. He was bare-headed, according to the fashion of his school, and she kissed the wild, dark curls with which his head was run over; they were much brighter in colour when he was a little boy — those days when she slaved seventeen hours a day for his dear life! But he paid her back tenfold for the hardship she had undergone.
 She listened to the excellent report his masters gave of his progress, and walked through the quadrangles and the corridors with him, thinking of the sound of his voice as he told her the story of his classes and his studies. She must live for him; though for herself she had had enough of life. But, thank God, she had her darling boy, and whatever unhappiness there might be in store for her she would bear it for his sake. He knew that his father was ill, but she refrained and told him no word of the tragedy that was hanging over them. The noble instincts which were so intrinsically Esther Waters’ told her that it were a pity to soil at the outset a young life with a sordid story, and though it would have been an inexpressible relief to her to have shared her trouble with her boy, she forced back her tears and courageously bore her cross alone, without once allowing its edge to touch him.
 And every day that visitors were allowed she went to the hospital with the newspaper containing the last betting. “Chasuble, ten to one taken,” William read out. The mare had advanced three points, and William looked at Esther inquiringly, and with hope in his eyes.
 “I think she’ll win,” he said, raising himself in his cane chair.
 “I hope so, dear,” she murmured, and she settled his cushions.
 Two days after the mare was back again at thirteen to one taken and offered; she went back even as far as eighteen to one, and then returned for a while to twelve to one. This fluctuation meant that something was wrong, and William began to lose hope. But on the following day the mare was backed to win a good deal of money at Tattersall’s, and once more she stood at ten to one. Seeing her back at the old price made William look so hopeful that a patient stopped as he passed down the corridor, and catching sight of the Sportsman on William’s lap, he asked him if he was interested in racing. William told him that he was, and that if Chasuble won he would be able to go to Egypt.
 “Them that has money can buy health as well as everything else. We’d all get well if we could get out there.”
 William told him how much he stood to win.
 “That’ll keep you going long enough to set you straight. You say the mare’s backed at ten to one — two hundred to twenty. I wonder if I could get the money. I might sell up the ’ouse.”
 But before he had time to realise the necessary money the mare was driven back to eighteen to one, and he said —
 “She won’t win. I might as well leave the wife in the ’ouse. There’s no luck for them that comes ’ere.”
 On the day of the race Esther walked through the streets like one daft, stupidly interested in the passers-by and the disputes that arose between the drivers of cabs and omnibuses. Now and then her thoughts collected, and it seemed to her impossible that the mare should win. If she did they would have £2,500, and would go to Egypt. But she could not imagine such a thing; it seemed so much more natural that the horse should lose, and that her husband should die, and that she should have to face the world once more. She offered up prayers that Chasuble might win, although it did not seem right to address God on the subject, but her heart often felt like breaking, and she had to do something. And she had no doubt that God would forgive her. But now that the day had come she did not feel as if he had granted her request. At the same time it did not seem possible that her husband was going to die. It was all so hard to understand.
 She stopped at the “Bell and Horns” to see what the time was, and was surprised to find it was half-an-hour later than she had expected. The race was being run, Chasuble’s hoofs were deciding whether her husband was to live or die. It was on the wire by this time. The wires were distinct upon a blue and dove-coloured sky. Did that one go to Newmarket, or the other? Which?
 The red building came in sight, and a patient walked slowly up the walk, his back turned to her; another had sat down to rest. Sixteen years ago patients were walking there then, and the leaves were scattering then just as now .... Without transition of thought she wondered when the first boy would appear with the news. William was not in the grounds; he was upstairs behind those windows. Poor fellow, she could fancy him sitting there. Perhaps he was watching for her out of one of those windows. But there was no use her going up until she had the news; she must wait for the paper. She walked up and down listening for the cry. Every now and then expectation led her to mistake some ordinary cry for the terrible “Win-ner, all the win-ner,” with which the whole town would echo in a few minutes. She hastened forward. No, it was not it. At last she heard the word shrieked behind her. She hastened after the boy, but failed to overtake him. Returning, she met another, gave him a half-penny and took a paper. Then she remembered she must ask the boy to tell her who won. But heedless of her question he had run across the road to sell papers to some men who had come out of a public-house. She must not give William the paper and wait for him to read the news to her. If the news were bad the shock might kill him. She must learn first what the news was, so that her face and manner might prepare him for the worst if need be. So she offered the paper to the porter and asked him to tell her. “Bramble, King of Trumps, Young Hopeful,” he read out.
 “Are you sure that Chasuble hasn’t won?”
 “Of course I’m sure, there it is.”
 “I can’t read,” she said as she turned away.
 The news had stunned her; the world seemed to lose reality; she was uncertain what to do, and several times repeated to herself, “There’s nothing for it but to go up and tell him. I don’t see what else I can do.” The staircase was very steep; she climbed it slowly, and stopped at the first landing and looked out of the window. A poor hollow-chested creature, the wreck of a human being, struggled up behind her. He had to rest several times, and in the hollow building his cough sounded loud and hollow. “It isn’t generally so loud as that,” she thought, and wondered how she could tell William the news. “He wanted to see Jack grow up to be a man. He thought that we might all go to Egypt, and that he’d get quite well there, for there’s plenty of sunshine there, but now he’ll have to make up his mind to die in the November fogs.” Her thoughts came strangely clear, and she was astonished at her indifference, until a sudden revulsion of feeling took her as she was going up the last flight. She couldn’t tell him the news; it was too cruel. She let the patient pass her, and when alone on the landing she looked down into the depth. She thought she’d like to fall over; anything rather than to do what she knew she must do. But her cowardice only endured for a moment, and with a firm step she walked into the corridor. It seemed to cross the entire building, and was floored and wainscotted with the same brown varnished wood as the staircase. There were benches along the walls; and emaciated and worn-out men lay on the long cane chairs in the windowed recesses by which the passage was lighted. The wards, containing sometimes three, sometimes six or seven beds, opened on to this passage. The doors of the wards were all open, and as she passed along she started at the sight of a boy sitting up in bed. His head had been shaved and only a slight bristle covered the crown. The head and face were a large white mass with two eyes. At the end of the passage there was a window; and William sat there reading a book. He saw her before she saw him, and when she caught sight of him she stopped, holding the paper loose before her between finger and thumb, and as she approached she saw that her manner had already broken the news to him.
 “I see that she didn’t win,” he said.
 “No, dear, she didn’t win. We wasn’t lucky this time: next time —”
 “There is no next time, at least for me. I shall be far away from here when flat racing begins again. The November fogs will do for me, I feel that they will. I hope there’ll be no lingering, that’s all. Better to know the worst and make up your mind. So I have to go, have I? So there’s no hope, and I shall be under ground before the next meeting. I shall never lay or take the odds again. It do seem strange. If only that mare had won. I knew damned well she wouldn’t if I came here.”
 Then, catching sight of the pained look on his wife’s face, he said, “I don’t suppose it made no difference; it was to be, and what has to be has to be. I’ve got to go under ground. I felt it was to be all along. Egypt would have done me no good; I never believed in it — only a lot of false hope. You don’t think what I say is true. Look ’ere, do you know what book this is? This is the Bible; that’ll prove to you that I knew the game was up. I knew, I can’t tell you how, but I knew the mare wouldn’t win. One always seems to know. Even when I backed her I didn’t feel about her like I did about the other one, and ever since I’ve been feeling more and more sure that it wasn’t to be. Somehow it didn’t seem likely, and to-day something told me that the game was up, so I asked for this book .... There’s wonderful beautiful things in it.”
 “There is, indeed, Bill; and I hope you won’t get tired of it, but will go on reading it.”
 “It’s extraordinary how consoling it is. Listen to this. Isn’t it beautiful; ain’t them words heavenly?”
 “They is, indeed. I knew you’d come to God at last.”
 “I’m afraid I’ve not led a good life. I wouldn’t listen to you when you used to tell me of the lot of harm the betting used to bring on the poor people what used to come to our place. There’s Sarah, I suppose she’s out of prison by this. You’ve seen nothing of her, I suppose?”
 “No, nothing.”
 “There was Ketley.”
 “No, Bill, don’t let’s think about it. If you’re truly sorry, God will forgive.”
 “Do you think He will — and the others that we know nothing about? I wouldn’t listen to you; I was headstrong, but I understand it all now. My eyes ’ave been opened. Them pious folk that got up the prosecution knew what they was about. I forgive them one and all.”
 William coughed a little. The conversation paused, and the cough was repeated down the corridor. Now it came from the men lying on the long cane chairs; now from the poor emaciated creature, hollow cheeks, brown eyes and beard, who had just come out of his ward and had sat down on a bench by the wall. Now it came from an old man six feet high, with snow-white hair. He sat near them, and worked assiduously at a piece of tapestry. “It’ll be better when it’s cut,” he said to one of the nurses, who had stopped to compliment him on his work; “it’ll be better when it’s cut.” Then the cough came from one of the wards, and Esther thought of the fearsome boy sitting bolt up, his huge tallow-like face staring through the silence of the room. A moment after the cough came from her husband’s lips, and they looked at each other. Both wanted to speak, and neither knew what to say. At last William spoke.
 “I was saying that I never had that feeling about Chasuble as one ’as about a winner. Did she run second? Just like my luck if she did. Let me see the paper.”
 Esther handed it to him.
 “Bramble, a fifty to one chance, not a man in a hundred backed her; King of Trumps, there was some place money lost on him; Young Hopeful, a rank outsider. What a day for the bookies!”
 “You mustn’t think of them things no more,” said Esther. “You’ve got the
Book; it’ll do you more good.”
“If I’d only have thought of Bramble ... I could have had a hundred to one against Matchbox and Bramble coupled.”
 “What’s the use of thinking of things that’s over? We should think of the future.”
 “If I’d only been able to hedge that bet I should have been able to leave you something to go on with, but now, when everything is paid for, you’ll have hardly a five-pound note. You’ve been a good wife to me, and I’ve been a bad husband to you.”
 “Bill, you mustn’t speak like that. You must try to make your peace with God. Think of Him. He’ll think of us that you leave behind. I’ve always had faith in Him. He’ll not desert me.”
 Her eyes were quite dry; the instinct of life seemed to have left her. They spoke some little while longer, until it was time for visitors to leave the hospital. It was not until she got into the Fulham Road that tears began to run down her cheeks; they poured faster and faster, like rain after long dry weather. The whole world disappeared in a mist of tears. And so overcome was she by her grief that she had to lean against the railings, and then the passers-by turned and looked at her curiously.

XLIV
WITH FAIR WEATHER he might hold on till Christmas, but if much fog was about he would go off with the last leaves. One day Esther received a letter asking her to defer her visit from Friday to Sunday. He hoped to be better on Sunday, and then they would arrange when she should come to take him away. He begged of her to have Jack home to meet him. He wanted to see his boy before he died.
 Mrs. Collins, a woman who lived in the next room, read the letter to
Esther.
“If you can, do as he wishes. Once they gets them fancies into their heads there’s no getting them out.”
 “If he leaves the hospital on a day like this it’ll be the death of him.”
 Both women went to the window. The fog was so thick that only an outline here and there was visible of the houses opposite. The lamps burnt low, mournful, as in a city of the dead, and the sounds that rose out of the street added to the terror of the strange darkness.
 “What do he say about Jack? That I’m to send for him. It’s natural he should like to see the boy before he goes, but it would be cheerfuller to take him to the hospital.”
 “You see, he wants to die at home; he wants you to be with him at the last.”
 “Yes, I want to see the last of him. But the boy, where’s he to sleep?”
 “We can lay a mattress down in my room — an old woman like me, it don’t matter.”
 Sunday morning was harsh and cold, and when she came out of South Kensington Station a fog was rising in the squares, and a great whiff of yellow cloud drifted down upon the house-tops. In the Fulham road the tops of the houses disappeared, and the light of the third gas-lamp was not visible.
 “This is the sort of weather that takes them off. I can hardly breathe it myself.”
 Everything was shadow-like; those walking in front of her passed out of sight like shades, and once she thought she must have missed her way, though that was impossible, for her way was quite straight .... Suddenly the silhouette of the winged building rose up enormous on the sulphur sky. The low-lying gardens were full of poisonous vapour, and the thin trees seemed like the ghosts of consumptive men. The porter coughed like a dead man as she passed, and he said, “Bad weather for the poor sick ones upstairs.”
 She was prepared for a change for the worse, but she did not expect to see a living man looking so like a dead one.
 He could no longer lie back in bed and breathe, so he was propped up with pillows, and he looked even as shadow-like as those she had half seen in the fog-cloud. There was fog even in the ward, and the lights burned red in the silence. There were five beds — low iron bedsteads — and each was covered with a dark red rug. In the furthest corner lay the wreck of a great working man. He wore his hob-nails and his corduroys, and his once brawny arm lay along his thigh, shrivelled and powerless as a child’s. In the middle of the room a little clerk, wasted and weary, without any strength at all, lay striving for breath. The navvy was alone; the little clerk had his family round him, his wife and his two children, a baby in arms and a little boy three years old. The doctor had just come in, and the woman was prattling gaily about her confinement. She said —
 “I was up the following week. Wonderful what we women can go through. No one would think it .... brought the childer to see their father; they is a little idol to him, poor fellow.”
 “How are you to-day, dearie?” Esther said, as she took a seat by her husband’s bed.
 “Better than I was on Friday, but this weather’ll do for me if it continues much longer .... You see them two beds? They died yesterday, and I’ve ’eard that three or four that left the hospital are gone, too.”
 The doctor came to William’s bed. “Well, are you still determined to go home?” he said.
 “Yes; I’d like to die at home. You can’t do nothing for me .... I’d like to die at home; I want to see my boy.”
 “You can see Jack here,” said Esther.
 “I’d sooner see him at ’ome .... I suppose you don’t want the trouble of a death in the ’ouse.”
 “Oh, William, how can you speak so!” The patient coughed painfully, and leaned against the pillows, unable to speak.
 Esther remained with William till the time permitted to visitors had expired. He could not speak to her but she knew he liked her to be with him.
 When she came on Thursday to take him away, he was a little better. The clerk’s wife was chattering; the great navvy lay in the corner, still as a block of stone. Esther often looked at him and wondered if he had no friend who could spare an hour to come and see him.
 “I was beginning to think that you wasn’t coming,” said William.
 “He’s that restless,” said the clerk’s wife; “asking the time every three or four minutes.”
 “How could you think that?” said Esther.
 “I dun know ... you’re a bit late, aren’t you?”
 “It often do make them that restless,” said the clerk’s wife. “But my poor old man is quiet enough — aren’t you, dear?” The dying clerk could not answer, and the woman turned again to Esther.
 “And how do you find him to-day?”
 “Much the same .... I think he’s a bit better; stronger, don’t yer know. But this weather is that trying. I don’t know how it was up your way, but down my way I never seed such a fog. I thought I’d have to turn back.” At that moment the baby began to cry, and the woman walked up and down the ward, rocking it violently, talking loud, and making a great deal of noise. But she could not quiet him .... “Hungry again,” she said. “I never seed such a child for the breast,” and she sat down and unbuttoned her dress. When the young doctor entered she hurriedly covered herself; he begged her to continue, and spoke about her little boy. She showed him a scar on his throat. He had been suffering, but it was all right now. The doctor glanced at the breathless father.
 “A little better to-day, thank you, doctor.”
 “That’s all right;” and the doctor went over to William.
 “Are you still determined to leave the hospital?” he said.
 “Yes, I want to go home. I want to —”
 “You’ll find this weather very trying; you’d better —”
 “No, thank you, sir. I should like to go home. You’ve been very kind; you’ve done everything that could be done for me. But it’s God’s will .... My wife is very grateful to you, too.”
 “Yes, indeed, I am, sir. However am I to thank you for your kindness to my husband?’
 “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. But you’ll want the sister to help you to dress him. I’ll send her to you.”
 When they got him out of bed, Esther was shocked at the spectacle of his poor body. There was nothing left of him. His poor chest, his wasted ribs, his legs gone to nothing, and the strange weakness, worst of all, which made it so hard for them to dress him. At last it was nearly done: Esther laced one boot, the nurse the other, and, leaning on Esther’s arm, he looked round the room for the last time. The navvy turned round on his bed and said —
 “Good-bye, mate.”
 “Good-bye .... Good-bye, all.”
 The clerk’s little son clung to his mother’s skirt, frightened at the weakness of so big a man.
 “Go and say good-bye to the gentleman.”
 The little boy came forward timidly, offering his hand. William looked at the poor little white face; he nodded to the father and went out.
 As he went downstairs he said he would like to go home in a hansom. The doctor and nurse expostulated, but he persisted until Esther begged of him to forego the wish for her sake.
 “They do rattle so, these four-wheelers, especially when the windows are up. One can’t speak.”
 The cab jogged up Piccadilly, and as it climbed out of the hollow the dying man’s eyes were fixed on the circle of lights that shone across the Green Park. They looked like a distant village, and Esther wondered if William was thinking of Shoreham — she had seen Shoreham look like that sometimes — or if he was thinking that he was looking on London for the last time. Was he saying to himself, “I shall never, never see Piccadilly again"? They passed St. James’s Street. The Circus, with its mob of prostitutes, came into view; the “Criterion” bar, with its loafers standing outside. William leaned a little forward, and Esther was sure he was thinking that he would never go into that bar again. The cab turned to the left, and Esther said that it would cross Soho, perhaps pass down Old Compton Street, opposite their old house. It happened that it did, and Esther and William wondered who were the new people who were selling beer and whisky in the bar? All the while boys were crying, “Win-ner, all the win-ner!”
 “The — was run to-day. Flat racing all over, all over for this year.”
 Esther did not answer. The cab passed over a piece of asphalte, and he said —
 “Is Jack waiting for us?”
 “Yes, he came home yesterday.”
 The fog was thick in Bloomsbury, and when he got out of the cab he was taken with a fit of coughing, and had to cling to the railings. She had to pay the cab, and it took some time to find the money. Would no one open the door? She was surprised to see him make his way up the steps to the bell, and having got her change, she followed him into the house.
 “I can manage. Go on first; I’ll follow.”
 And stopping every three or four steps for rest, he slowly dragged himself up to the first landing. A door opened and Jack stood on the threshold of the lighted room.
 “Is that you, mother?”
 “Yes, dear; your father is coming up.”
 The boy came forward to help, but his mother whispered, “He’d rather come up by himself.”
 William had just strength to walk into the room; they gave him a chair, and he fell back exhausted. He looked around, and seemed pleased to see his home again. Esther gave him some milk, into which she had put a little brandy, and he gradually revived.
 “Come this way, Jack; I want to look at you; come into the light where I can see you.”
 “Yes, father.”
 “I haven’t long to see you, Jack. I wanted to be with you and your mother in our own home. I can talk a little now: I may not be able to to-morrow.”
 “Yes, father.”
 “I want you to promise me, Jack, that you’ll never have nothing to do with racing and betting. It hasn’t brought me or your mother any luck.”
 “Very well, father.”
 “You promise me, Jack. Give me your hand. You promise me that, Jack.”
 “Yes, father, I promise.”
 “I see it all clearly enough now. Your mother, Jack, is the best woman in the world. She loved you better than I did. She worked for you — that is a sad story. I hope you’ll never hear it.”
 Husband and wife looked at each other, and in that look the wife promised the husband that the son should never know the story of her desertion.
 “She was always against the betting, Jack; she always knew it would bring us ill-luck. I was once well off, but I lost everything. No good comes of money that one doesn’t work for.”
 “I’m sure you worked enough for what you won,” said Esther; “travelling day and night from race-course to race-course. Standing on them race-courses in all weathers; it was the colds you caught standing on them race-courses that began the mischief.”
 “I worked hard enough, that’s true; but it was not the right kind of work .... I can’t argue, Esther .... But I know the truth now, what you always said was the truth. No good comes of money that hasn’t been properly earned.”
 He sipped the brandy-and-milk and looked at Jack, who was crying bitterly.
 “You mustn’t cry like that, Jack; I want you to listen to me. I’ve still something on my mind. Your mother, Jack, is the best woman that ever lived. You’re too young to understand how good. I didn’t know how good for a long time, but I found it all out in time, as you will later, Jack, when you are a man. I’d hoped to see you grow up to be a man, Jack, and your mother and I thought that you’d have a nice bit of money. But the money I hoped to leave you is all gone. What I feel most is that I’m leaving you and your mother as badly off as she was when I married her.” He heaved a deep sigh, and Esther said —
 “What is the good of talking of these things, weakening yourself for nothing?”
 “I must speak, Esther. I should die happy if I knew how you and the boy was going to live. You’ll have to go out and work for him as you did before. It will be like beginning it all again.”
 The tears rolled down his cheeks; he buried his face in his hands and sobbed, until the sobbing brought on a fit of coughing. Suddenly his mouth filled with blood. Jack went for the doctor, and all remedies were tried without avail. “There is one more remedy,” the doctor said, “and if that fails you must prepare for the worst.” But this last remedy proved successful, and the hæmorrhage was stopped, and William was undressed and put to bed. The doctor said, “He mustn’t get up to-morrow.”
 “You lie in bed to-morrow, and try to get up your strength. You’ve overdone yourself to-day.”
 She had drawn his bed into the warmest corner, close by the fire, and had made up for herself a sort of bed by the window, where she might doze a bit, for she did not expect to get much sleep. She would have to be up and down many times to settle his pillows and give him milk or a little weak brandy-and-water.
 Night wore away, the morning grew into day, and about twelve o’clock he insisted on getting up. She tried to persuade him, but he said he could not stop in bed; and there was nothing for it but to ask Mrs. Collins to help her dress him. They placed him comfortably in a chair. The cough had entirely ceased and he seemed better. And on Saturday night he slept better than he had done for a long while and woke up on Sunday morning refreshed and apparently much stronger. He had a nice bit of boiled rabbit for his dinner. He didn’t speak much; Esther fancied that he was still thinking of them. When the afternoon waned, about four o’clock, he called Jack; he told him to sit in the light where he could see him, and he looked at his son with such wistful eyes. These farewells were very sad, and Esther had to turn aside to hide her tears.
 “I should have liked to have seen you a man, Jack.”
 “Don’t speak like that — I can’t bear it,” said the poor boy, bursting into tears. “Perhaps you won’t die yet.”
 “Yes, Jack; I’m wore out. I can feel,” he said, point